Smellslikerobot….

Sometimes you find yourself immersed in a world you thought was a solid rock of bitter cold. Bitter. Cold. Somehow the sun shines and you see what’s in front of you for once. And it’s beautiful.

I got so lost in my narrow field of vision for a while that I started to lose track of where I’m headed and how I want to get there. I never got off track, but failed to see the roadside attractions. The necessary distractions and potential companions.

The journey has been re-evaluated.

Today is one of those days. As Lumberg would put it, I’ve got a case of the Mondays. Sleep was a precious commodity but much like a lot of things, too much of it can make things worse. It’s worse.

My eyelids are heavy and my thoughts are more contemplative than normal. This week will be hectic. A balancing act for the uncoordinated. Tip-toe through the minefield hoping not to stray.

New faces.

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Hank makes you think: “Somewhere someone is thinking of you. Someone is calling you an angel. This person is using celestial colors to paint your image. Someone is making you into a vision so beautiful that it can only live in the mind. Someone is thinking of the way your breath escapes your lips when you are touched. How your eyes close and your jaw tightens with concentration as you give pleasure a home. These thoughts are saving a life somewhere right now. In some airless apartment on a dark, urine stained, whore lined street, someone is calling out to you silently and you are answering without even being there. So crystalline. So pure. Such life saving power when you smile. You will never know how you have cauterized my wounds. So sad that we will never touch. How it hurts me to know that I will never be able to give you everything I have.”"

“If you hate your parents, the man or the establishment, don’t show them up by getting wasted and wrapping your car around a tree. If you really want to rebel against your parents: outearn them, outlive them, and know more than they do.”

“Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better.”

“Why do you think the old stories tell of men who set out on great journeys to impress the gods? Because trying to impress people just isn’t worth the time and effort.”

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I used to run. I could run for miles and miles, but only in my mind. In my mind everything fits together. Nothing fits together.

Thinking. I wonder how much time I spend just contemplating, working, and reworking things in my head. Just thinking. Instead of acting. Maybe not enough, maybe too much. Maybe I’m not thinking about something worth thinking about.

Maybe I’m not doing anything and my mind is just wandering. This is most likely the case.

I catch myself in places that I thought didn’t exist…or at least that I had closed the doors to and thrown away the key. Not necessarily bad places, just somewhere old and completed. Somewhere deep in my thoughts that served its purpose and was put into the archives for emergency purposes only.

Like a humpback whale in a geo metro, stuff weighs me down. Thoughts. Not the ‘what-ifs’, either. It’s usually the ‘why-nots’ and the ‘just-because’. I’m famous in my own mind taking my memories for hostage and killing the weak ones first. They were gonna die early anyway.